A PLACE FOR
ALL THE DUMB SHIT THAT DOESN'T FIT ANYWHERE
ELSE...
[TEASERS
& LINKS BELOW]
Just like the
headline said, this page is the online graveyard for the truly
asinine content I've written, that just doesn't seem to fit
anywhere in particular. Sometimes it's a quick gag,
blog, or a detailed Rant on one of the many issues I've
come to loathe in the world. And other times it'll be me
breaking news on issues NO SANE MAN WOULD EVER GO
INTO. Sometimes the oddest shit can inspire me, and
this is what this page is all about. It's the written
equivalent of sitting beside an insane homeless guy on the
bus. You're antsy, nervous and in the end disgusted, but
you're still somewhat fascinated that someone like this
actually exists. Only, you know, my beard is way cooler. And I
don't shank you in the ribs, steal your purse and buy a flask
of Thunderbird with the money. Or do I?
Below you'll find
my rambling observations and news-breaking on
*certain* stories to stupid to be real. But 'be real' they
be. Stories like surrogate cardboard fathers; How my
non-cardboard father celebrated the invention of the Wii so to
now show me what for, and of course, mean jokes and
jabs at the expense of B-Level celebrities and their
ridiculous offspring. I mean, how dare they be famous and
rich! Let's hate them for no logical reason! Join
me!
STUPIDITY
LINKAGE~!
HOUSTON, WII HAVE A
PROBLEM.... - Saturday, January 13th 2007 12:31
AM
For YEARS, my father bragged that if there
ever was a video game console where he could PHYSICALLY act
out the games as opposed to that gosh danged complicated
button mashing system, he'd dominate us to our very cores.
Well, his dream has finally came true, thanks to Nintendo, and
their brand new Wii console...
GOD, YOU SMELL.
- Tuesday, April 3rd 2007 1:48 PM
For
years, I have sat idly by, awaiting the day in which the
Heavenly Father would finally forsake obvious non-important
matters like "poverty", "disease", and "famine", and instead
focus all of his omnipotent attention on the truly IMPORTANT
issues. Issues like bottling his very essence in perfume form!
YES....
PSA -
Tuesday, May 15th 2007 9:36 PM
I don't know if
you've already heard, but in the world's infinite plight to
make us aware of things not-at-all evident, May is in fact
" VOLCANO AWARENESS MONTH"...
This goes out to
all my Jewish friends, and the people who are currently under
my nefarious writing employ that were chosen personally from
G-d as his personal hand-picked people. I imagine it was like
a heavenly game of Grade 5 Gym Dodgeball...
Only He-Man can pull this shit
off...
SEAN's INSANE
RANT OF THE DAY: FACEBOOK "GIFTS". -3:24am Wednesday,
Nov 28, 2007
Just a note. Save your money. Stop sending me "Gifts"
through Facebook. Your dollar could go to much better causes.
Like say, sending it directly to me; or I don't know, BUYING
ME SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY EXISTS...
R. Kelly was
just found "Not Guilty" by a Jury of his Pee'ers.
Ya, you know where this is all
going...
Happy
World Toilet Day! Just when I thought VOLCANO AWARENESS DAY was
the single dumbest holiday imaginable, enter (exit?) World Toilet Day! An overflowing celebration
of ALL things toilets world wide, filled to the brim
with everything you could ever know or care about
our porcelain pals! Both things!
A MEAL RUINED. A LIFE
SHATTERED - 12:00am, Wednesday, April 8,
2009
As a vaunted and
celebrated Interweb celebrity and purveyor of truths, I live
the life of a Rock Star. Unfortunately, that Rock Star is Meat
Loaf. The proceeding is a journey into the mundane &
insane as I kept a one day mock journal of buffoonery that
concluded with me being attacked whilst sitting comfortably in
my bus seat. I mean, really. If the people of Facebook can
bombard me with the most mind-numbing details of their "full"
lives, than surely, I can return the favor with a window into
my cavernously empty one...
That's
right. I take candy from the mouths of children and feel
little guilt about it. This is a call to join me in
perpetuating a general lack of social graces and maturity,
just because.
That's
right. Transformers star Megan Fox has a deep dark
secret; a secret so vile that it has actually forced me to
reevaluate my lofty criterion as to whether I'd never be in
the position ever in my life to have sex with a person like
her. That secret?-- TOE THUMBS. Join me for a full
investigation. Or 30 seconds of investigation and five minutes
of retardation and nonsensical absurdity.
Is it a blanket? Is
it the last piece of an overall ensemble perfect for practicing
the blackest druid magic? Or is it just a waste of three minutes you'll never
get back? WHY, IT'S ALL THREE~! So, ya, I sent a
special *celebrity* Product Testimonial to the good people at Slanket.
They never mailed back. Weird.
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