Your Number-One Source For
Something ? I'll let you know
just what that is
,
once I think of it...
In any event,
besides being the only site guaranteed to put someone into an
epileptic coma thanks to the Banner, this site is an
all-in-one source for all my varying written archives,
including my full Wrestling content as seen at The
Wrestling
Fan.com , to all my blog content, ridiculous
commentaries
, Movie & Game reviews
, and everything
in-between. This website is like a homeless shelter for the truly
disturbed.
This content
itself is divided up into three pages. You can access
those pages through the Flash menu to the above right of this page.
But just in case you don't have Flash enabled on your
computer, and only have like 15 minutes before you and
your Commodore 64 are whisked back into 1985 from whence
you came, those pages are as follows:
PRO
WRESTLING~!:
Featuring almost every wrestling column, satire,
recap and review I've ever posted at TWF (I'll eventually
have them all up). If you love the antics of dudes who wear
dew rags and weightlifter's belts 24 hours a day and cannot
change articles of clothing without first tearing them from
their orange heaving bodies, this is the section for you.
Click HERE for
teasers and links to all my wrestling
archives!
POP CULTURE &
REVIEWS
:
Featuring
everything not-wrestling. Kind of! Reviews, Celeb bashing
Bloggery, Top 10 lists and parodies alike. Click HERE
for those teasers & links. More to come
eventually.
STUPIDITY:
The final resting
place of my completely disenfranchised insanity. If it's dumb
and doesn't really fit anywhere, this is where you'll find it.
From Cardboard Fathers returning from the Middle East to my
vendetta against moppy haired children, it's all here. 60% of
the time, it's worth checking out all the time. Click
HERE
for that.
PHOTOSHOPS OF THE DAY:
Self-Explanatory. Sometimes I animate stupid shit, just because. Click
HERE
for the archives.
Or, below, you can
sample 5 of my most recent offerings. I will
have new content up frequently, so keep checking back!. Enjoy!
Hopefully! Please
?
**JUST
UPDATED JUNE 16,
2009**
SEAN'S
PHOTOSHOP OF THE
DAY:
HHH BELIEVES THE CHILDREN
ARE OUR FUTURE. (AND NOT JUST BECAUSE HE'LL NEED
FRESH PEOPLE TO PIN
EVENTUALLY.)
That's
awesome.
But it's not the
whole story~! (You knew this was coming). The following
is a fan-shot photograph taken of the event in
question, and from there, the unseen (and not just
'cause it didn't happen) aftermath
therein....
The act in
question:
Seconds
later....
HHH couldn't help
it.
Seriously.
The kid was
getting too over. And
besides, the *last time* he put over someone that
small, they ended up killing their family. How's that
for gratitude?
BUT THAT'S
NOT ALL.
I heard from my super reliable
in-house sources the following conversation between
Hunter & fan about the kid being knocked around at
WWE events:
Kid: "Triple H, what's
the best way to stop getting pushed for
good?"
HHH:
"Divorce."
That's right.
I'm
Sean.
And I built a
special time machine to 2003 just so I
could make these
jokes.
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**JUST UPDATED MAY 5,
2009**
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
MEGAN FOX HAS
TOE-THUMBS.
Or How I learned to beat a
One-Note joke into the ground.
A discovery has
recently been made that could change the course of
human history--and frequent masturbation--FOREVER.
That's right Aficionados of blowing out the brains of
the bald bull and corralling the tadpoles, (I
myself actually majored in masturbation in 2000,
graduating Magna Cum Often), Megan
Fox, best known for her riveting, Academy-Award winning performance in the field of
ubiquitously bending over in
2007's Transformers--and well, that's it-- has
a deep dark secret; a secret so vile that
it has actually forced me to reevaluate my
lofty criterion as to whether I'd
never be in the position ever in my life to have
sex with a person like her. After all, I have
standards. A pulse for one. And that's about
it. That secret?-- TOE
THUMBS....
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**JUST UPDATED MAY
1, 2009**
STINKO
DE
MAYO:
LATINO SEED!
THE
AMAZING TRUE STORY OF DOMINICK MYSTERIO
GUERRERO!
Here's the deal--no pun
intended-- each first week of May, My pal, RD --and
proprietor of all things Wrestling turd at namesake
website Wrestlecrap.com-- presents
a slew of Latino themed Wrestlecrap inductions in honor
of Cinco De Mayo; which--to this day-- I still don't
know what it means, constitutes or how's it's even
fucking celebrated. In any event, much like last
year, I contributed my very own brand of
mindless evil to the cause and produced the following
gibberish-- the only wrestling feud to
ever legally decide the ownership of a small
Mexican boy!
WWE,
2005
Text by Sean
Carless
Warning: Sean
Carless is what *some* people might call a "drinking
man". Continuity, Consistency and Coherency may be
absent at some/all/every times. Discretion is not only
encouraged, it's allowed.
[/Batista].
He lies! He cheats! He provides the necessary semen to
father another man's child?
It is the year 2005. The
evil Decepticons have taken back their home planet of
Cybertron. Wait. You’ll have to excuse me. I was just
watching my DVD of Transformers the Movie...
Anyway, it is the year 2005.
Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero have restarted their
historic rivalry. A rivalry that once saw WCW rocked to
its very core, changing how the company viewed wrestling
forever!—until 20 minutes later when Hulk Hogan and
Roddy Piper eradicated all of that in a match so slow,
that time moved backwards, transporting Tony Schiavone,
Mike Tenay and us all back to an age when man had yet to
step from the primordial ooze and was still basically
pond scum. My point is—and yes I do have one. I think—is
that this was a ready-made rivalry that required no
bells and whistles and gimmickry to make it more
interesting. It was simply two very talented men that
hated each other kicking the crap out of one another.
One man had a mullet the size of the famed cap worn by
American folk-hero Davy Crockett. While the other a
full-bodied purple zebra-striped bodysuit, custom-sewed
for a malnourished child’s body. It was something we
could all relate to. Kind
of...
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**JUST
UPDATED APRIL 28,
2009**
SEAN'S PHOTOSHOP OF THE
DAY:
THE
SECRET OF BATISTA'S CONSTANT TITLE
CHANCES
Ever wonder how it is that Batista
receives so many nonsensical World
Title opportunities that even Triple H is heard
saying "Who's this guy fucking?...and do they
have room for one more?
Ever wondered if Batista
secretly receives shot after shot-- despite having
the physical constitution of Mr. Glass with
Parkinson's-- because he *maybe* allows Vince
McMahon to sit on a stool in the corner of the locker
room and masturbate whilst Big Dave rubs in baby
lotion, performs most muscular and unloads an entire
round of imaginary bullets from his invisible
Gatling gun in the chairman's general direction?
Umm, no, you haven't? Not ever? It's just
me? I'll shut up then. Ahem.
Turns out it the answer is
much simpler. It was *really* due to a
worn-out, useless relic from the 80's that really
serves no purpose anymore! (not Hulk Hogan. Although it
too can elevate you to the top of the game without
having ever really expended any time or energy or having
any natural ability whatsoever!.). I'm of course talking
about the Game Genie! It's true! And holy shit that
was a long drawn-out set-up for a one-note joke.
Yup.
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**JUST UPDATED FEB. 13
/2009**
 QUICK &
DIRTY REVIEW:
FRIDAY THE 13TH~!
(2009)
By Sean
Carless
Movie: FRIDAY THE
13th
YEAR:
2009.
STARRING: Jared Padalecki,
Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Reghetti, Derek Mears,Travis
Van Winkle, Rip Van Winkle, Willa
Ford.
RATED: R; For Violence,
Tittays, angry retards.
[THE FOLLOWING AS
ALWAYS IS WRITTEN IN INSANE-STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS. BE
WARNED.]
You know, most retards
and mongoloids are happy to just hang out at the bus
station or the fucking food court all day being a pest
to everyone, but not our friend Mr. Voorhees. No sir.
With the exception of Life Goes On’s Corky and maybe
Forrest Gump, never before has one retard so risen above
his station and exceeded expectations of what is and
isn't possible in the world of advanced learning
disability. It’s true. Jason craves
more. Jason is not satisfied to wear his Dad’s
pastel blue pants pulled up to his nipples and Velcro
shoes until he’s 60.The same slime
covered cover-alls? Maybe. But do those cover-alls
have his name indelibly written in marker in the
inside collar just in case he ever loses them?
NO. And that's because Jason is his own
retard....
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