Your number one
poorly-designed source for my random archives from around
these there Interwebs~! I was originally going to call it
"pretentiousdouchebag.com", but sadly, that name was already
taken...
In any event,
besides being the only site guaranteed to put someone into an
epileptic coma thanks to the Banner, this site is where
you can find all of my varying written umm,
"contributions"; including my full Wrestling content as
seen at The Wrestling
Fan.com and Wrestlecrap.com;
to all my blog
content, ridiculous commentaries
, Movie & Game reviews ,
and everything in-between. This website is like a homeless
shelter for the truly disturbed.
This content
itself is divided up into three pages. You can access
those pages through the Flash menu to the above right of
this page. But just in case you don't have Flash enabled on
your computer, and only have like 15 minutes before you and
your Commodore 64 are whisked back into 1985 from whence
you came, those pages are as follows:
PRO
WRESTLING~!:
Featuring almost every wrestling column,
satire, recap and review I've ever posted at TWF and elsewhere
(Wrestlecrap) (I'll eventually have them all up). If you
love the antics of dudes who wear dew rags and weightlifter's
belts 24 hours a day and cannot change articles of clothing
without first tearing them from their orange heaving bodies,
this is the section for you. Click HERE for
teasers and links to all my wrestling
archives!
POP CULTURE & REVIEWS
:
Featuring
everything not-wrestling. Kind of! Reviews, Celeb bashing
Bloggery, Top 10 lists and parodies alike. Click HERE
for those teasers & links. More to come
eventually.
STUPIDITY:
The final resting
place of my completely disenfranchised insanity. If it's dumb
and doesn't really fit anywhere, this is where you'll find it.
From Cardboard Fathers returning from the Middle East to my
vendetta against moppy haired children, it's all here. 60% of
the time, it's worth checking out all the time. Click
HERE
for that.
PHOTOSHOPS OF THE
DAY:
Self-Explanatory.
Sometimes I animate stupid shit, just because. Click
HERE
for the archives.
Or, below, you can
sample some of my most recent offerings. I will have
new content up frequently, so keep checking back!. Enjoy!
Hopefully! Please ?
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**JUST UPDATED OCT. 27,
2009**
PHOTOSHOP OF THE
DAY:
HULK HOGAN IS
SUICIDE~!
I guess if Hulk really is serious about
taking his
own life, (Besides
somehow body slamming himself; it after all worked so
well on Andre 3 days after Wrestlemania 3) signing with
TNA is probably the best place to
start...
Oh, and up next: NASTY NICK HOGAN TEAMS WITH
HOMICIDE~!
(Some booking just makes
sense.)
I'm Sean.
and I don't believe that Hulk can
even die, let alone commit suicide. Gorilla Monsoon once
told me Hulkamania would live
forever, and I like totally believe him. I
mean, he did know what the crazy bump on the
back of your head was called. So who am I to doubt
him?
Besides, that would
be real awkward on commentary re-edit.
Gorilla at
Wrestlemania 6: "HULKAMANIA WILL LIVE FOR
APPROXIMATELY 19 MORE YEARS BEFORE TAKING ITS OWN
LIFE!"
See? Not nearly as
cool.
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**JUST UPDATED SEPTEMBER
30, 2009**
AND
NOW FOR SOMETHING
STUPID~!
PARODY: LOST LINDA MCMAHON FOR U.S. SENATE
AD:
TODAY THE
SENATE. TOMORROW THE WORLD.
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**JUST UPDATED SEPTEMBER
5, 2009**
PHOTOSHOP OF THE
DAY~!
PSA: If your child's hair
looks like the picture below... it means that you've not
only failed as a parent, but as a human being in
general:
I mean,
Christ, his barber would have to double as a fucking
landscaper to even make a dent on that giant bird's
nest, AM I RITE. Seriously. I haven't seen a
scarier lookin' shrubbery come to life since Danny and
Scatman Caruthers were running through that fucking maze
in The Shining. I mean, who goes to the barber and
says "Make me look like Toad from Super Mario
2"?
Stop the
Madness. Please.
I'm Sean.
And, if like this unfortunate awkward
bastard above, you cannot determine where your child's
hair ends and his actual cranium begins, I'd think it's
time to invest in a Blofeld-style
diamond-tipped laser and buff that shit down to at least
a brush cut. I mean if it can carve Cobra Commander's
visage into the lunar service, it'll surely get
Junior down to something that doesn't look a wasp's
nest. Just saying.
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**JUST UPDATED JUNE 16,
2009**
PHOTOSHOP OF THE
DAY:
HHH BELIEVES THE CHILDREN
ARE OUR FUTURE. (AND NOT JUST BECAUSE HE'LL NEED
FRESH PEOPLE TO PIN
EVENTUALLY.)
That's
awesome.
But it's not the whole story~! (You
knew this was coming). The following is a
fan-shot photograph taken of the event in question,
and from there, the unseen (and not just 'cause it
didn't happen) aftermath therein....
The act in question:
Seconds later....
HHH
couldn't help
it.
Seriously.
The kid was
getting too over. And
besides, the *last time* he put over someone that
small, they ended up killing their family. How's that
for gratitude?
BUT THAT'S
NOT ALL.
I heard from my super reliable in-house
sources the following conversation between Hunter &
fan about the kid being knocked around at WWE
events:
Kid: "Triple H, what's
the best way to stop getting pushed for
good?"
HHH:
"Divorce."
That's right.
I'm
Sean.
And I built a special time machine to
2003 just so I could make these
jokes.
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**JUST UPDATED MAY 5,
2009**
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
MEGAN FOX HAS
TOE-THUMBS.
Or How I learned to beat a One-Note
joke into the ground.
A discovery has
recently been made that could change the course of
human history--and frequent masturbation--FOREVER.
That's right Aficionados of blowing out the brains of
the bald bull and corralling the tadpoles, (I
myself actually majored in masturbation in 2000,
graduating Magna Cum Often), Megan
Fox, best known for her riveting, Academy-Award winning performance in the
field of ubiquitously bending over in
2007's Transformers--and well, that's it-- has
a deep dark secret; a secret so vile that
it has actually forced me to reevaluate my
lofty criterion as to whether I'd
never be in the position ever in my life to have
sex with a person like her. After all, I have
standards. A pulse for one. And that's about
it. That secret?-- TOE
THUMBS....
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**JUST UPDATED MAY
1, 2009**
STINKO
DE
MAYO:
LATINO SEED!
THE
AMAZING TRUE STORY OF DOMINICK MYSTERIO
GUERRERO!
Here's the deal--no pun
intended-- each first week of May, My pal, RD --and
proprietor of all things Wrestling turd at namesake
website Wrestlecrap.com-- presents
a slew of Latino themed Wrestlecrap inductions in honor
of Cinco De Mayo; which--to this day-- I still don't
know what it means, constitutes or how's it's even
fucking celebrated. In any event, much like last
year, I contributed my very own brand of
mindless evil to the cause and produced the following
gibberish-- the only wrestling feud to
ever legally decide the ownership of a small
Mexican boy!
WWE, 2005
Text by Sean
Carless
Warning: Sean Carless is what *some*
people might call a "drinking man". Continuity,
Consistency and Coherency may be absent at
some/all/every times. Discretion is not only encouraged,
it's allowed.
[/Batista].
He lies! He
cheats! He provides the necessary semen to father
another man's child?
It is the year 2005. The
evil Decepticons have taken back their home planet of
Cybertron. Wait. You'll have to excuse me. I was just
watching my DVD of Transformers the Movie...
Anyway, it is the year 2005. Rey
Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero have restarted their
historic rivalry. A rivalry that once saw WCW rocked to
its very core, changing how the company viewed wrestling
forever!--until 20 minutes later when Hulk Hogan and
Roddy Piper eradicated all of that in a match so slow,
that time moved backwards, transporting Tony Schiavone,
Mike Tenay and us all back to an age when man had yet to
step from the primordial ooze and was still basically
pond scum. My point is--and yes I do have one. I
think--is that this was a ready-made rivalry that
required no bells and whistles and gimmickry to make it
more interesting. It was simply two very talented men
that hated each other kicking the crap out of one
another. One man had a mullet the size of the famed cap
worn by American folk-hero Davy Crockett. While the
other a full-bodied purple zebra-striped bodysuit,
custom-sewed for a malnourished child's body. It was
something we could all relate to. Kind
of.
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**JUST UPDATED FEB. 13
/2009**
 QUICK & DIRTY REVIEW:
FRIDAY THE 13TH~!
(2009)
By Sean
Carless
Movie: FRIDAY THE
13th
YEAR:
2009.
STARRING: Jared Padalecki,
Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Reghetti, Derek Mears,Travis
Van Winkle, Rip Van Winkle, Willa
Ford.
RATED: R; For Violence,
Tittays, angry retards.
[THE FOLLOWING
AS ALWAYS IS WRITTEN IN INSANE-STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS.
BE WARNED.]
You know, most retards
and mongoloids are happy to just hang out at the bus
station or the fucking food court all day being a pest
to everyone, but not our friend Mr. Voorhees. No sir.
With the exception of Life Goes On's Corky and maybe
Forrest Gump, never before has one retard so risen above
his station and exceeded expectations of what is and
isn't possible in the world of advanced learning
disability. It's true. Jason craves
more. Jason is not satisfied to wear his Dad's
pastel blue pants pulled up to his nipples and Velcro
shoes until he's 60.The same slime
covered cover-alls? Maybe. But do those cover-alls
have his name indelibly written in marker in the
inside collar just in case he ever loses them?
NO. And that's because Jason is his own
retard....
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